dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bring money and cleavage
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have aggressive nipples.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
