I want to have your abortion
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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