when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
