Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
