you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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