i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
