I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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