O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
