So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
