we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
where are my eyebrows?
Will exercising make me less horny?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
