I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
