carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
