i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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