well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
