Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
