oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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