he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
why is half of my head shaved?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
