I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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