i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
