pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
