i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
