So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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