Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
