i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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