To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
