Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You don't make any sense
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