I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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