Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
