Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
