YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
