Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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