I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
