meet me or not, i'm out of control
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
