if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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