I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
