His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
