Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
