I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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