Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
