pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
