Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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