i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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