either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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