I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
