This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
