Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
