How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
