We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
