Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
