Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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