I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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