Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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